Edit: Updated http://topsekkrit.ninja/
Life comes with bumps. Like how calm seas have waves. Or finding angles between the curves. As mum always says, “you gotta take the rough with the smooth”. Though there was only so much my three year old self could recall and understand when she said that, as she took another swig of whiskey from the bottle while eating tofu. She was obsessed with it. Tofu that is. Tofu that “smoothens and whitens your skin”, she says, tofu that is “good for your health”, tofu that “keeps you slim”. Tofu, smooth as silk, as it glides down your throat. Mum just kept eating that and only that. Mum left, when I was six. The taste of bean curd left a sour taste in my mouth. It always reminded me of soggy wet toilet paper and quiet tears.
Now eighteen, eager and ready to take on the world, I packed the last of my belongings in my trusty old red suitcase. There was little that I treasured – my grandmother’s ring, an old poetry book, a camera, postcards from my friends and my stuffed bunny named Valentino. My clothes, as some people have already informed me, were from the past or in their words “like what their great great great grandmother wore”. They were not wrong in their comments. I simply get my clothes from the boxes in my attic; whenever I needed something new to wear. And although I did not know about my ancestors or relatives, they certainly loved fashion and clothes. It feels like a wonderland whenever I step into that space. It was a world forgotten where time has stopped.
I smoothen the pleats on my dress. Today, it was checkered pastel blue and white.
I attended Arashi’s Waku Waku Gakkou twice and here’s a comparison on the 3 shows. 😀
Nino’s rice planting: Aiba & Yamada (Sat), Jun & Arioka (Sun 10am), Ohno & Chinen (Sun 4pm).
Ohno’s 大お茶会: Nino (Sat), Yamada (Sun 10am), Sho (Sun 4pm).
Aiba’s mochi pounding: Jun (Sat), Nino (Sun 10am), Aiba (Sun 4pm).
Secret Talk: Wish, Love So Sweet, Beautiful Days.
I also got all the fan merchandise they were selling despite planning not to do so.
All that matters to someone that matters
Is a million other things
It should be okay
But your heart wants more.
9. If you meet someone you find enchanting, tell him or her as sincerely and gracefully as you can. It doesn’t matter if she or he doesn’t understand.
If only I had homework like this. I’m inspired.
My head is always in the clouds. I am an impulsive shopper; following my heart and not my head.
I feel like taking up photography. As I grow older, I am looking back. I want to keep this moment.
People I’ve loved. People I could love. And everything in between. There is beauty everywhere I turn.
I wish I could remind everyone how beautiful they are in my eyes.
When words are strung
In a pretty line
Like a necklace
Diamonds that cut
They glitter and shine
The autumn breeze twists into her braids; tendrils of hope, love and happy thoughts. She paints a romantic picture; a silly smile that makes her glow and a step that treads lightly on the warm and wet earth of august. She has pearls on her hair and around her neck. Her layered whites and offwhites reminds me of a fairy from the woods.
(I absolutely love Blair’s Oscar de la renta dress. <3)
Clothes maketh the man.
Recently, I have been exploring new ways to expand and reinvent my style. Fashion or clothes has always been important to me. What we wear on a daily basis is empowering. It expresses who we are inside to the world. It gives me confidence when I wear what I love and helps to define part of my identity. I give thanks to be blessed enough where I am able to wear what I like and have enough choices in my current wardrobe (well tbh forever lost in a battle of finding enough space to put in my new purchases). And for those who have known me long enough, my style is along the lines of the romantic, cute, princess-y look. I have a dress rack filled with dresses in different colours, cute japanese fashion pieces (inspired by Lolita, Otome kei, fairy kei, mori kei etc.) and lots of skirts. I hate jeans and pants! I love anything with ribbons, polka dots, tulle and food prints. However, I realize of late, that a part of me is growing up.
I am trading my cutesy fashion into something else. I am not quite sure what it is yet but I am no longer happy with the style I used to love. In a way, I am glad. I am excited! I still dress in Lolita fashion but I know this change is good. My body has changed. I cannot wear the same things I wore 10 years ago.
Lolita fashion has been a big influence in my life. It was difficult for my parents and perhaps the world to accept it initially (I faced their disapproval and negative feedback) but it did help me grow in many ways, in particular it contributed to my self-image and confidence over the years. I was absorbed in its intricacies for more than 8 years. I’ve been obsessed with it and now I am finally in a place to let it go. Well not entirely, I still love it and dress in it regularly but it is not my main style. I am ready to retire it to the backseat.
In my current journey to find my new self, I am looking at clothes. I am devouring books about fashion, reading vogue, following fashion related instagrams and blogs in order to educate myself. There are still many things I want to explore and learn about myself such as picking up a new hobby and visiting new places. But first and foremost, I realized now how important clothing is to me. It is a clue of who I am, want to be and what I can be.
I will definitely update more on my blog on self-discovery process.
I saw the backstreet boys live in concert last weekend and it was AMAZING. Back when I was in primary school, I was one of those anti-pop kids until my Dad gave me my first backstreet boys album (Millenium) in 1999. (Okay technically he gave me Britney Spears’s CD as well but BSB is everything okay!) They were my “first loves” when it comes to music and trust me when I say that I only have a handful of favourites. My favourite musicians (that I go crazy for) include Arashi, Pentatonix, Darren Criss, Chris Colfer and Nathan Hartono. I grew up listening to the Carpenters (awesomest!), Boys II Men (the best!), Michael Learns to Rock (I can sing their songs by heart) and of course pop acts in the 90s. Though I consider musical artistes in a different category of their own (Lea salonga, kristin chenoweth, ramin karimloo & aaron tveit <3). I enjoy listening to the oldies. I cannot believe my luck (or God’s Grace) that I won tickets for a Edith Piaf Concert tribute show and Pitch Perfect 2 premiere tickets! Booya! Okay abrupt change of topic but I tried eating oatmeal today after years of hating it and it was awesome! I added apples, cinnamon, walnuts and a dash of honey and raisins. I hate my cellulite! I need to get rid of those fat on my tummy, thighs and arm. I am starting on a detox since I am not really happy with how I look currently. I am planning on a juicing diet for breakfast, light lunch and avoid or minimal carb dinners. And naturally I need to exercise. I always feel awkward in the gym but like my brother said everyone is too busy to notice you. I am crossing my fingers my resolution sticks through the week!
I have been good (well in a figure of speech), I honestly have not drank for quite a while. But the past 2 days, I have quite my fill of wine (both red and white) and sparkling (moscato)! Yum! I attended a dinner and dance on Thursday and wedding on Friday.
Both days, I felt terrible underdressed because of my lack of makeup skills and mood to dress up. When I am feeling tired or down, I can’t seem to find the energy to dress up. I should not let it bother me but I have reached a standstill. My new pet project is to revive my style.
For those who know me, I love all things girly (think ribbons, pastels and polka dots), vintage and sophisticated (think simple, clean, minimalistic). I usually dabble in Japanese inspired fashion such as lolita, mori kei and otome kei. It has become predictable and I think it bores me. It is time to explore more styles to mix and match.
I have been inspired by Blair Waldorf’s wardrobe as well. And I do love shopping! It is something I will look forward to occupy my time with. I have also been enjoying fashion related (and manners) books. I have yet to pick up Tim Gunn’s books but I plan to do it soon. (Gosh I have a stack of books due that I have yet to return).
Weddings are a wonderful affair. I feel truly blessed to attend a fellow Lolita’s wedding and it was beautiful. The couple were adorable and I had great company with the Lolita gang. After that event, I went speed shopping (got 2 dress and 2 pairs of shoes) and headed to fort canning for Shakespeare in the park. M and I forgot our umbrellas and it started to rain. It was a first time having a picnic in the rain while enjoying SRT the tempest! I am making plans for catching Hamlet and the next Shakespeare in the park. I need to prepare a poncho and insect repellant for next year.
Recently, I have been obsessed with marathoning Gossip Girls. I did catch an episode here and there when it was airing on tv but I am the kind of person who needs to watch tv shows chronologically and until the end. I ship Chuck and Blair! I am just starting season 3 and I do not look forward to the spoilers I heard about my ship that is most probably going to sink.
Hoobastank’s “the reason” was playing on radio and it reminded me of chuck/blair. I may write something small when I have the free time.
Now Sarah & Kya the darlings surprised me with this nifty domain topsekkrit.ninja. How can I ever thank them? They are absolutely beautiful! It makes my life really. <3 I am hosting a sailor meetup next month and initially I had planned to hold it at a local aquarium. I feel morally conflicted about aquariums since they have dolphins which were poorly treated. Animal abuse :(. I am thinking of changing it to a picnic at the park instead! Time to start planning. 😀
Of late, I have been feeling a little lost on my blogging direction, especially when it comes to my personal site. But with the birth of cupmb and blogmatter, I have been refreshed! I feel motivated to do more online things because of the connection with fellow bloggers. Surely and slowly, ideas are forming and crystalizing. Haha!
As I sat at the bus stop this afternoon, there was a lady next to me. She was reading a letter as she held onto a huge bag which I assumed were all her belongings. Her hair was cut short and she smelled nice (like how one does after a shower). She was neat and fresh faced. She also did not look local. She was waiting for the bus like me. I wondered about who she is and how her life was. What are her dreams and aspirations? How brave she must be to be so young and working here in a foreign country. Does she have a place to work in and treated fairly if not well by her employees? Does she have a family who needs and misses her? Looking at the way she was reading the letter, savouring each and every word, I know she must be loved from far away. I wish that she and her family will get their “better” life. I hope she has a support group (which is probably far and few between) to ease the loneliness. Some days my heart is heavy from the inequalities in the world. Some days my heart ache about how little and insignificant I am.
This was a small blurb I thought of blogging on april 1st.
I have also updated eat noodly me. Finishing this post with a writing challenge because it is short.